Month: November 2014

On Adoption: The Ugly Truth

Adoption can be beautiful. It can also be ugly. What this adoption agency is doing (read the picture if you haven’t already) is ugly and unethical and proves that the adoption industry as it stands is in it for the money and childless couples* (and even they are taken advantage of) and NOT for the well-being of children. You might say this is an extreme example; perhaps, but I doubt it.

Thousands of foster children await a family; and they really need one. But that isn’t where the money is. The money is in the babies; the “blank slates.” Adoption agencies charge thousands of dollars to those so desperately wanting to make a family; have you ever wondered where that money goes? Here’s a super vague budget.   Apparently in some agencies some of it goes to recruit more vulnerable women to give up their babies. What if that money was used to keep families together; supporting young mothers, many of whom see no other option. (this goes for international adoptions as well- how far could $30,000 go to supporting overseas families; international adoption has actually fueled human trafficking in some areas).

And when adoptees grow up- guess what? They have to pay too. They’ve already paid the emotional damage of feeling unloved and unwanted. And now they have to pay cold hard cash to find out who they are and where they came from; with no guarantee of a return on their investment. This is an outrage. Current open adoptions might be set up differently, but millions of adoptees who are now adults have no rights to their own history. Their information locked away in a file and guarded by the court system. A stranger can open up my file, but I can’t.

And newsflash: babies are not blank slates. Our genes and the memories we can’t recall are carried deep within us. And birth mothers do not go on their merry way never looking back, though many try. Adoption is loss. Adoption is gain.

*If you have adopted a child don’t take this personally, or do. Check your motives. Make sure you understand the things your child may be facing, often without the right words to express it or the courage to tell you. Be educated. Support your child. And whatever you do, don’t erase their first family.

Update: this adoption agency was apparently unaware they were breaking state adoption laws and have stopped their referral program thanks to the outcry of many. I’m calling this a win for speaking out and standing up for what’s right.