On adoption: Opening the door of a closed adoption

 

 

After many years of putting off a decision, I have finally decided to search for my birth parents. I’m terrified, excited, nervous, anxious, curious, overwhelmed, and filled with hope. I have no idea what I will find or what the outcome will be, but whatever it is, I just need to find my beginning.

Thankfully I have someone who has done this before and is coming alongside me to guide me, help in the search, and give resources and support through this journey. For starters we are using the clues I already have. Depending on the outcome, in time I might need to raise some money to help me pay for a search. There are a lot of mixed emotions and though I’m ready to open the door, there is still a lot I want/need to do to prepare myself.

I’ve cracked this door open before. Put my information up on an adoptee search sight. Examined what I would have to do through the adoption agency. Called the adoption agency and hung up when they put me on hold. I’ve always closed the door. I wasn’t ready. Once you open the door all the way it’s hard to close it. There are unknowns on both sides of the door and I’m tired of standing at the door.

I have so much going on in my head, that I don’t even know what all to share. So for now,  I will just close by saying this: thank you to those of you who will support me through this; and to any who may not understand the need for a search, please support me anyway.